When I was younger, I wouldn’t say I was honest. But the only person I ran game on was myself. I was in fact, as advertised. It just wasn’t who I really was. In fact, I don’t think I cared about who I really was at that time, so I can’t say i even knew who that was. I knew I could be anybody I wanted, and I wanted to be in-love. I was the prince, the knight in shining armor, everything the media said girls really wanted, everything most of them thought they wanted. But the truth is, that’s all a lie. The great majority of my life time breakups were because I was to nice, suffocatingly so. Now I would say I’m generally nice by nature, but nice doesn’t work so well without honesty. The fact is, I guilted girls out of relationships with me, unintentionally of course. I was so nice that any selfish thought they had, any normal human desires, probably seemed like a sin to them. even though I would likely have forgiven anything, that probably would have only made it worse. when they would argue with me, I would fall on my sword, figuring out what I did wrong, how I could make it right, and make them feel better. And I fought with everything I had to appease them, to be present. never running away or ignoring the fight, just taking the lashes. In truth, they probably only wanted me to fight back. Instead, I probably only made them feel worse, for being so nasty to such a nice guy. I was always so confuse when it ended, trying to figure out what I did wrong, or what I could have done differently. Mostly because they always looked so defeated. some of them even cried in front of me when they broke up with me. Some were even honest, saying I was to nice, which really confused me. Others just gave me the old its not you its me routine, usually they were the crier, since I would ask what they were talking about and they would say they weren’t good for me. To which I would reassurance them that I didn’t care about that because I loved them and could handle it… not helping. To be honest, most of this was just who I am, but taken to certain extremes, because I was incomplete, unbalanced, and trying to be someone, live some life, that wasn’t mine to live. Eventually, I learned to be a bit of an asshole… at least towards the end of things. how many times do you have to get your heart broken before you start to see it coming. So I would go silent, stop doing extra shit, spend lots of time doing other things, speak my mind… especially in an argument. This was better for everyone, because I understood why they were breaking up with me, they didn’t have to feel rejected from being dumped, and they didn’t have to feel guilty for breaking up with a dick. But sometimes, this did not always have the expected effect, so I had to try harder to be a dick. It took time for me to realize that this was because women didn’t want a nice guy all the time, they wanted a real person, that tried to be nice sometimes. Anyway, a new era of trial and error had begun, and my heart started breaking again. Of course, after every few failed relation ships, I took breaks to reset, to lick my wounds and calm my nerves. I’d stay clear of women for a bit, and when I finally got back to it, I’d try adapting to what I’d learned… Don’t be a martyr all the time, you can only take so much blame, claim so much of the responsibility, before you begin to fold and break, and then the crying starts and the guilt piles up. Women don’t do well with other peoples feelings, be careful not to overshare but still be vulnerable. Its only okay to cry if they can do something about, not if its about them. It doesn’t matter if you’ll face down the world if you wont stand up to them. But don’t be a total dick, learn when to stand-down, they have to win every now and then, even if they’re wrong… at some point your head starts to hurt, and you realize that its too much, you just cant keep up………………………………………………………………………………

Scratch all of that and everything that came after it. Reboot. Be yourself, fuck it. Either they’ll love you or they wont. Wait a minute, who the fuck am I, what the hell do I want? Exactly, been wasting time trying to figure out the wrong persons. Be honest with yourself. Being in a relationship is not about learning about other people, its about learning about yourself, and trusting the other person. Do they love you enough to stay by you while you figure it out. Do they accept you for who you are, and who you’ll become. Will they hold you down while you become it. Relationships are meant to help you walk through the hard journey of life, so that you don’t have to  go it alone. apparently that’s not for everybody, but that’s what makes the strongest connections. For better or worse. And if it ends, what did you learn about yourself. What can you take into the next one. Tell them exactly who you think you are, who you want to be, what’s important to you. If they’re okay with that, maybe it will be alright. All you can ever really do is trust them, open your heart and give it everything you got. Because it probably wont work if you half-ass it… if you head into it afraid. After all, how can you find your home if you always have one foot out the door. If you want to do anything else in life, if you really want to do it, you go all in. You don’t run a race thinking, I’m only going to jog because if I lose I don’t want to be to worn out for nothing. You don’t record a song under a blanket because people might not like it. You go on a job interview with your head down and an out of date resume, you put your best foot forward and give everything you got. Why would you go into a relationship expecting or preparing for failure, be a warrior, be a samurai. Accept that your going to get hurt and fight like it doesn’t matter, see only your victory… because unlike defeat, its not inevitable, and you need to believe in it for it to have a chance. You need to live as if you’re going to live forever, because we all die, but we should never be afraid to live. You need to love like you’ve never lost before, because love is life, and we should never be afraid to love. It doesn’t matter who you love or how you do it, just do it like you mean it, like you’ll never get another chance, because no one is promised tomorrow and yesterday is wasted time.

Oh right, I promised you a guide, so here you go… the three main types of game, male and female.

The Sweet Heart (Game: Smooth Operator)

A female Sweet Heart, the Nice Girl, is very attentive. She listens, she’s reassuring, interested, and “supportive” (on your side, tells you what you want to hear). You’ve been waiting for her (You’re wondering where she’s been all this time. You wish other women in your life were like her). She’s perfect for any guy. She basically understands what guys really want, someone to be there for them. She’s a real man killer.

A male Sweet Heart, the Good Guy, is amiable (doesn’t like to argue; but he also wont fight for you, because that’s not amiable). No drama, He listen to your stories, is good with compliments and flattery, and is “supportive” (well he’s amiable, so he tends to agree with you a lot… about your stuff at least). He knows what to say, and what not to say, so he tells you what you want to hear. Good chance he doesn’t want to impose his will on you (he doesn’t want to change who you are, he thinks you should just be you, even if you is miserable… he enables, he’s not going to do any work to help you get your shit together, because that my friend is a mine field, and he doesn’t do mine fields… again, he’s not willing to fight for or with you, it’s too much trouble, and its not going to get him laid). He’s perfect for the Independent woman type, until she starts trying to tell him how to live his life. See that was the unspoken arrangement… I wont give you any Drama, you don’t give me any drama. So when you finally change, he wont, time to move on, sorry about that investment you made (in time). He’ll be whatever you need him to be, its just short term any way… and he probably has other girls on the line, because its a long con kind of game. He’ll be there when the time is right. He’ll slowly reel you in.

The Predator (Game: No Shame)

A female predator, the Slutty Girl, she wants to have fun, she’s bold and courageous, pleasantly aggressive, she makes you feel desired, she oozes sexual energy. She seductive, in the most primitive way, its straight forwards conquest. Men find it hard to turn away free candy, and she knows it. She sees what she likes and she’s determined to take it. She’s not even talking to you, so much as she’s talking to your little friend. Because she knows he’ll listen, she can see when she has his attention.

A male predator, the Come on Strong Guy, he’s just looking for that girl, its a numbers game… and the numbers are on his side. He knows most girls are sluts because most guys are sluts. All he has to do is find out what they want, what there poison is, if he supplies it, he’ll be rewarded. Really he’ll use any tactic that works… some girls just need to be talked to when there feeling down, he’ll be your rebound, your ego booster. Others just want to let lose and have a good time, he’ll be your supplier, your good night chaperone. He can tell when you’ve had a bad day and just want to get laid, or when you’re just looking to see where the night takes you. He’s great for female predators, and bad for Good Girls.

The Saint (Game: Yourself)

A female saint, the Good Girl, she’s hard to get. She likes to believe men want a challenge, she probably looking for something long term (and going about it the wrong way), she wants you to think highly of her… to see her value. she doesn’t do those kinds of things, until she does, or the last time she did. The truth is she just likes to watch you work for it. you’re not the first guy she’s slept with, and she probably doesn’t want to talk about her past. but she’s reformed, because obviously that was the problem (sarcasm). Most likely, she’ll end up a spinster. And you’ll feel like you worked way to hard to get it, before you quit it. She’s actually running game on herself.

A male saint, Captain Save a Ho, this night in shinning armor type wants to be the hero (yes my younger self). He’s going to play himself, but for all the right reasons (sarcasm). he wants you to love him, he wants to love you, he’s not necessarily particular about when the nasty happens, so if he thinks its necessary or if it set him apart from other guys (because he’s trying to show you that there are good guys in the world, and you deserve that), he’ll wait as long as you like… though you’ll probably want to give it to him as soon as possible, if only to make sure he doesn’t get away (or maybe just because your a no bullshit kind of girl… he’s not called Captain Save a Ho for no reason). Eventually the thrill will wear off and he’ll become a way to shiny mirror. You wont like what you see, and you’ll lash out at him for it. But he’ll take it, smiling and confused, and you’l realize that you can’t, that this isn’t what you thought it would be, that it isn’t what you want.

The Most Dangerous Game (No Game at All)

Real people are a little bit of all these things, only for real. So stop playing games and be real. Be yourself. Be honest. It works more often than you think… you can get laid being honest, you can find relationships being honest, you can do just about anything you want with honesty. Because there are people like you out there in the world, whether they know it or not. You just have to expose yourself to find them. You just have to give them the option. The greatest rewards, often require the greatest risk. You have to be willing to lose it all, to have it all. If you’re not willing to put yourself out there, how can you expect someone else to.