“For Dummies” the step by step approach to figure out whatever you can find a yellow book for. As much as I wish I could write a step by step, I’m not so sure how to go about that. Instead, I’ll attempt to reveal characteristics of the self, and common misconceptions about how to find it. So lets start.

What is the Self? How do you know when you’ve found it?

Well, the Self is actually two things, though only one of them is true.

The Self is your selfishness, identity, suffering, conflict, confusion, the high and lows of your life. At the same time, the Self is none of this.

The Self an acceptance of who you are and the world around you, as it is and as it will be. The Self is being who you want to be and Loving that person. It is being sad for those who do not Love themselves, and Happy for those who do. It is not laughing at other peoples pain and suffering, or being envious of their happiness. The Self is peace and contentment.

Do you need to be alone to find the Self?

A common misconception perhaps.

The Self does not exist in isolation, because it is the life you live, the person that you are. When you have found it, you will find that you are happy with your life, the way you live it, who you live it with. You will know a kind of satisfaction.

So lets say you learn to be satisfied, being alone. Now that you have become the kind of person who finds peace in being alone, what would happen if others imposed on that isolation. This would be a disruption of your peace, this would not be to your satisfaction. You will have become a loner, and be resigned to a life others might perceive as a life of loneliness. Learning to be alone, means learning to be alone… It means learning to live without others, to whatever degree you define alone. For instance, if you only accept satellite relationships like friends, but refuse to involve yourself in an intimate relationship. Then you ultimately condemn yourself to never having an intimate relationship, as this will never become a relationship you are comfortable with once you have taught yourself to live without it.

No, you exist at all times, and it is best to discover yourself within the life you desire. you wish to be in a real relationship, then you must discover yourself within relationships. you may spend time between, reflecting and digesting what you have learned from each experience, but inevitably you have to get back to it, until eventually you figure it out. Those who give up on relationships, might consider that its not other people who are to blame… but perhaps, its a fixation on what you think a relationship should be, which other people are unable (or more likely, unwilling) to live up to. Try, not giving up on relationships, but redefine what a relationship should be. Try different things, and see how they work for you… learn about yourself, maybe you are not who you think you are. If they don’t work, try new things, figure it out. Start with the thing that is most important to you, and build your relationship around that. Because the more you try to cram into it, the more likely it is to fail. The truth is simple, life is simple, lies are complicated, complexity is deception. Don’t make your relationships complex, because no one wants to live a lie with you.

Basic Steps

Learn to be honest with yourself, by being honest with others. Because those who lie to others, inevitably lie to themselves.

Keep it simple, don’t focus on to much at one time. You can’t have everything, and you only think you want it because you don’t have what you want. In other words, when you’re starving, you want to eat everything on the table… then you realize, you really only wanted the pie, but you ate the whole turkey first. Figure it out.

Keep trying, till you get it right.

 

Oh yeah, and calm down… the world’s not ending for at least another 10 days. You got plenty of time, so don’t take everything so seriously. In fact, the only real crisis, is that you need to be told to relax… just breath, and listen. Your only enemy is yourself, nobody wants to fight with you, they just think you want to fight with them. Lets just stop fighting already, and start communicating.